Can't Understand Why You're Single?

PURCHASE MIRROR

Can't Get A Job?

MOOCH

Being Lectured?

FALL INTO DEEP SLEEP

Hear Barry Manilow?

ABANDON HOPE

Locked Out?

USE BRICKS AS KEYS

Out of Money?

PILLAGE

Unlikely Odds?

EMERGE VICTORIOUS

Lady Likes What You Hate?

HOLD YOUR TONGUE

Kid That Runs Everywhere?

STEAL THEIR SHOES

Fail That Benefits You?

EPIC WIN

Matt Quontamatteo?

KICK HIS ASS

Internet Down?

SUCKS FOR YOU

Hear Country Music?

BEGIN LOADING GUN

Printer Not Printing?

SCREAM BLOODY MURDER

Someone Who Hates The Beatles?

DESTROY

Flash Flood?

DITCH CAR, STEAL YACHT

"You Can't Always Get What You Want?"

ADVENTURE TIME

World in Danger?

CONSULT MR. FLORENCE

Unrequited Love?

LOWER STANDARDS

Snakes Threaten Your Home?

PURCHASE FLAMETHROWER

Being Tailgated?

BRAKE CHECK

In A Fight?

BALL SHOT FTW

People Looking at You Funny?

PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE

Angry at Something?

BE ANGRY AT EVERYTHING

Song Stuck in Your Head?

HUM IT TO ANNOY OTHERS

Running Late?

HURRY UP, DUMBASS

Running Out of Gas?

TRAVEL THROUGH TIME, 88 MPH

Can't Solve A Problem?

FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT

Didn't Do Your Homework?

KISS YOUR FUTURE GOODBYE

Don't Want To Go To School?

DON'T GO

Girlfriend Won't Talk To You?

MAKE HER YELL AT YOU